Oct 12, 2013

Everyone had little bags with cups of their pee inside.

I saw a urologist on Thursday. It was a good thing. I've had bladder issues since I was 18 and doctors have blown it off like I was making it up. This doctor believed every word I was saying and he understood. He sympathized with me. The nurse was a little kooky. A bleach blonde talker. She helped calm my nerves as she told me stories of her younger years. She asked if I was in pain. I said yes. I watched her posture sink as she said "I am so sorry, you're too young for this." Yes. Yes I am too young for this.

In the long run they are preparing to diagnose me with a chronic bladder disease, IC. There's no cure. There's a pill I can take but doctor's don't even know why it works. That pill will make my hair fall out. My older brother told me I had beautiful hair and he promised it wouldn't fall out. And even if it did I was still cute. Sometimes big brothers know exactly what to say.

Before putting that diagnosis in my chart they are trying to solve this issue with other medications. Expensive medications. I officially need a daily pill box. I officially feel like a broken old lady. I'm 27.

They did a procedure in office that day. It made me sick. They knew it would make me sick but they also knew it had to be done to rule out some stuff. I cry when I pee. Thats as graphic as I'll get with you. Its not fun. I couldn't go to work on Friday. Which weighs on me, not going to work. I need the money. I have to cover the cost of these new pills. I have to move on with life and live it and be happy about it damn it. I need to stop worrying about what might happen. My hair falling out. Not being have to have babies.

On the bright side I now know I'm not crazy. I'm not making up the pain I'm in. You would not believe how many men I've dated that think I am making up the pain I'm in. Or how many doctors who look at me like I'm crazy. I am on the right path towards a diagnosis. A scary new adventure. 


  1. You cant have babies with IC?

  2. Rachel,

    So sorry to hear of your suffering. My daughter had bladder problems for years, which the doctors shrugged off, until my friend's son got diagnosed with kidney reflux. He had the exact same symptoms, so I insisted on the test for that, which, of course, ended up being what my daughter had all along. Not saying you have that, just that sometimes you have to be your own advocate. Sending you a hug!


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