Oct 23, 2012

Dear Dementia


Dear Dementia,

Go Fuck Yourself.

I called my grandpa today to wish him a happy birthday. He turned 83. He had an accident back in June and has been in hospitals and assisted living homes since. He didn't know who I was. First he thought I was my cousin then he mumbled a little and when I tried to rope him back into the conversation it was obvious he wasnt having a good day. The phone call lasted less than two minutes and I don't think he ever realized it was me. I felt so guilty for not riding the bus up to see him. It's about a 2 hour bus ride(if I make my transfers right) and I figured I would see him this next weekend. I sent him a postcard from the coast and I thought if I called that would be enough. It wasn't.

My heart is so heavy. It aches at the thought of losing the only grandfather I ever knew. Last week when I saw him he tried to give me a check, he's concerned about my unemployment. He told me to call up the old paper mill, tell them I'm his granddaughter and they would have to give me a job. I don't know how my parents do it. They visit him almost daily. I've been very lucky and he's usually having a good day when I see him. He knows who I am and for the most part he can carry short conversations. 

When I talked to my mom tonight I told her that her and dad were not allowed to die. She promised they would live forever. If they didn't, who would take care of everything? It's true. My parents take care of everything and everyone and I look up to them so much, they are so strong. I sit here balling my eyes out and they hold it together so well.

If you're the praying type please keep us in your thoughts. 

1 comment:

  1. :( I'm so sorry, Rachael. I know what it's like, my Papa had Alzheimer's. It's so hard. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here! I love ya.

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