Jul 30, 2012

Perfection, Dating, and Jokes

I am not perfect. I will be the last to tell you that. I know, I'm supposed to be all humble and shit and say "ohhh, we all have our flaws, I'm not perfect either." Well, guess what? I'm perfect. I'm the perfect Rachael Gregg, no one knows how to be me better. Also I think I am awesome. I'm just the right mix of adorable and nerd. I know the rules of chess and I have killer eye lashes. I can cook and I can throw a football. Go me.

Yet I find it impossible to date in Portland. Maybe it would be this impossible everywhere but I live here soooo you know, I'm being biased and rude and blaming this city and the men in it. I'm not even going to apologize.

I've been "single" since uhhhh..... Thanksgiving. So that's like uhhh.. 9 months? Ok, here's the real story, I date. I meet boys, we go on dates. Things go okay for a couple of weeks and then I realize I do not like this guy and I move on. Quickly. It's how I roll. So we all know I had a dating profile, you can read the entire profile here on my old blog. You are welcome for those laughs.

I am tired of dating that way. I found nothing good. I tried. I gave it mostly my all. Mostly. Sometimes I didn't. Most the times these boys were not worth my all. Trust me.

So I date, I dated a coworker. Did we date? Or did we just sleep together? Either way, I lost that job... I clearly wasn't sleeping with the right people. Horrible joke. Lets move on.

I decided I was in thesis and I was just going to have fun with a 21 year old dude. After calling him my boyfriend for a week I realized that it really was a gap in age MATURITY. Not that I am mature people. Lets get that clear. I'd rather be watching the Little Mermaid right now.

BUT I have my shit together. Like I do. I kept a good government job for 3 years. Yeah, there's cutbacks and my position was terminated but that's not because I'm a sucky employee its because they are dumb and clearly don't recognize the raw talent they have. Life will be better after that job. I pay my bills, I bathe everyday, I don't wear pajamas in pubic. I hold myself to a level of classiness that I don't show on this blog. That was a joke. Parents love me, I'm fun and smart and I keep my shit together in public.

The guys I run into in Portland, they do not have their stuff together. They have a crappy part time job and they just barely graduated from high school ten years ago. Most of them don't shower on a daily basis, or get haircuts ever. They either aren't into the nerdy things I'm into or they are living like D&D is their bible. Extremes, whats up with that?

I walk up to guys, I WALK UP TO GUYS. I hit on them, they look at me dumbfounded and then I look at them dumbfounded. Am I trying to date out of my league? Am I dating too low? too high? Where is my middle ground? I clearly need to reevaluate this. Guys don't walk up to me and offer their number. EVER. and well. I'm kind of tired of it.

So I guess this is me giving up. If I wasn't allergic I would be a crazy cat lady already.


  1. Well I love you. Can we still secretly date?

    1. as long as your wife doesnt find out that I dont treat you right, then yes, we can still secretly date. Youre my one and only Ash.

  2. gah. you deserve someone freaking awesome. I have no tips on how to find that person, though. I got lucky with Keith. I think when you kind of give up on finding someone then you just find them, ha. Does that make sense?

    1. thats what everyone tells me. you and keith are the cutest couple ever. get married already!

  3. Obviously this post is about your subconscious telling you to move to Salt Lake where all the good mormon boys are. i'm kiddin, kinda. But really the moral of this story is that you know you're way too good to be with some schlub and that is half the battle. Keep being true to yourself and you'll find the guy, or he'll find you.

    And I am loving your new blog design to pieces.

    1. Im ready to move. hows that basement of yours? the couch? the back seat of the car? lets do this. and thaaaaanks! I got bored of the other one lol


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